Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize