I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
