Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
