I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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