Banned from zoo.
Again?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
