it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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