listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
