mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize