Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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