He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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