I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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