we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
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