i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
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eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
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If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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