he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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