There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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