I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
