Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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