My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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