I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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