i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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