Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
