i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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