Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
