Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
