it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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