Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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