We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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