Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
