i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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