her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I touched a dick in church today
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
