Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
