I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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