I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
