I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
