What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
