Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
