i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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