As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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