I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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