Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
