don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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