I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
