you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
