I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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