had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
