This house was built for laser tag.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
