I'd wear matching sweaters with you
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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