last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
