Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She needs sedatives and a leash
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
