Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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