I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
