I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
