so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
