Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
