Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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