He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
