we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
