I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
