I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize