My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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