One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
