They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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