I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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