3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
