It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
