The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
