You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
