so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
