The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize