can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
