so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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