I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
