so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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