I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
