no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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