since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
