It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
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