I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i now understand why vodka
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
