saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
pray to the hookup gods
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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