You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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