Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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