All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
