i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
