24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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