Will you blow on my dice?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
