watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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