don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
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So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
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Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
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